Should I Ask for Permission to Marry?

Posted on Wednesday, March 11th, 2020 at 3:27 pm by Morgan

The tradition of asking parents for permission to marry their daughter experienced a decline in popularity in past years, but is now back on the rise. In fact, 77% of couples in 2015 consulted the parents before popping the question. It may no longer be a given to seek approval, but doing so can be a thoughtful and even romantic gesture. If you are ready to get down on one knee, consider the following when deciding whether to ask her parents before proposing.

A Modern Take on an Old Tradition

In a time gone by, a father would quite literally give his daughter away. Today, the request for permission shows respect to your bride-to-be's family. Think of it as a chance to earn points with your future in-laws by showing them you value their opinion. 

Even if you do not explicitly ask for their blessing, you could view the conversation as a way to let them in on your plans. They may offer good ideas for how to propose or help you coordinate aspects that you may not have considered, like a hidden photographer to capture the big moment. More traditional families may absolutely expect you to ask for their blessing. If you think this may be the case, you should plan some alone time with the parents to ask for permission.

At the same time, everyone's family is different. If your proposal is not a surprise, you may wish to consult your future fiancee before contacting her parents. She will likely be able to offer guidance into her family's expectations. She may also have her own feelings about the tradition, and may wish for the decision to be solely between the two of you. Once you decide you're ready for the next step, you can talk through your preferences regarding the tradition. 

Who Should I Ask?

If you know that you want to ask permission first, you must decide who to ask. The tradition began with asking only the father, but now many invite the mother to be part of the conversation. Your significant other's relationship with her parents and other family members will determine who you should include. 

If her parents are together, both should be part of asking for their blessing. If they are divorced, start with the parent that your bride-to-be has a stronger relationship with. You will want to spend quality time with her family well in advance of your proposal plans to help make these decisions. Ultimately, it comes down to who your future fiancee is closest with, whether that person is her father, mother and father or even her grandparents or another family member.

Find the Perfect Engagement Ring at Koser Jewelers

If you are ready to pop the question, Koser Jewelers will help you find the perfect ring to ensure she says yes. We are committed to helping our customers Speak Without Words. Contact us today or visit our store in Lancaster, PA, and we will help you find the ideal engagement ring from our extensive selection.